Soul versus Ego and Paradise Found
Its been about 2 1/2 months since we have been living our life as promising new homesteaders with dreams of creating a permaculture paradise and holistic healing centre for all Living Beings. So many ideas, so many wonderful projects, can’t wait to start them all, all at the same time!
Wait thats not going to happen though. Sadness, worry, fear sets in. What was I thinking! 54 year old woman with her 2 daughters and volunteers girls, we are going to create all this, all this by ourselves? Really?! Now the power of women can be a mighty power, but lifting a log, carrying water up a steep hill, lugging lumber across the property, its not going to happen, in my wildest dreams, or nightmares for that matter!
So the Ego takes over, the doubts begin, the worry, the fear, here we go!
Now I don’t mean the Ego as “I am the best, the strongest etc” I believe we have a Soul and we also have an Ego. The Soul is our authentic self which connects our physical body to our spirit. You can see it as what your heart feels is right, what inspires you, what unconditional love is, where dreams and creations come from.
The Ego is that part of the rational mind, which has its purpose to protect us, without it we would just be floating around and probablybe getting into a lot of trouble. However if it takes over, its job is to take us down.
My changes of heart and indecisiveness have been driving my daughters crazy. Time to get a grip!
I need to get back to that place of inner peace, where my mind isn’t going crazy and making me doubt my every move.
So, I went to the top of the ridge to look down upon our home, the trees, the land and reflect on life, my life. I practiced some Ujjayi breath, an ancient Yogic breathing technique which has a balancing influence and helps to release feelings of irritation and frustration, calming the mind & body. I was in need of some of that!
From there I slipped into Alpha “a mental state of relaxed awareness.” Here I could become aware of how I really felt and what was going on. Where my fears were coming from, were they justified? I needed to surpass this and move on to where I could think from a place of reason combined with the creative mind if I was going to succeed.
It helped me to realize, that no, I can’t do, create and have everything RIGHT NOW. That I had to be patient, to take each step at a time. To enjoy the journey and not only look to the goal. Which is how I work with our horses and now I needed to take this advice for myself.
So here I am , from a place of awareness, I am ready to enjoy every moment of this creation, of life, of the time spent with my 2 daughters together here with me for that. By the end of next year they will be moving on to their own adventures. But right now they are with me. The horses are enjoying their new found pastures, the dogs are free and discovering every nook and cranny on the land and Toby the cat, has his hunting paradise.
That moment we brought the horses to their new home and rode up the little dirt road I knew for sure, this was RIGHT, this was our home. Lexi, my older daughter,said to me “Mum,now that the horses are here, I feel its home, it feels like Kindred Spirits” I must remember this and that warm feeling I felt in my heart that day, that was my Soul speaking to me.
I just needed to have a little Faith (okay a lot of Faith!) and maybe everything would just be alright, as it was meant to BE.
It is also what is much needed in this moment for us all, in these unbalanced times where fear is setting in for many. We need to remember to have a little faith, faith in ourselves, faith in others and not let the light go out.